New element discovered: Bushcronium

Science Update: Bushcronium Discovered!

Bushcronium: heaviest element known to science. A major research institution has just announced the discovery of the heaviest element yet known to science.

The new element has been named "Bushcronium." Bushcronium has one neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons, and 224 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an Atomic mass of 311. These 311 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons. The symbol for
Bushcronium is "W".

Bushcronium's mass actually increases over time, since each
reorganization causes more morons to become neutrons, forming
isodopes. This characteristic of moron-promotion leads some scientists to believe that Bushcronium is formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity in concentration. This hypothetical quantity is
referred to as "Critical Morass."

When catalyzed with money, Bushcronium activates Foxnewsium, an element which radiates orders of magnitude, more energy, albeit as incoherent noise, since it has 1/2 as many peons but twice as many
morons.

Like I didn't have enough trouble with Chemistry as is.