Biscuitville

Biscuitville

I'm always amused by the food we eat here in North Carolina. I really don't realize the oddity of our cuisine until my relatives from California come to visit. While living in California, often my breakfast consisted of a power bar, and a orange juice. Here many, as do I, often end up eating a huge biscuit, hash browns and tea. Today I did just that. It was Biscuitville that would deliver my required daily fat content in one meal. I pulled into their location on 421 at Martin Luther King JR Blvd. Surprisingly unlike many of my previous visits the drive-thru was empty. I pulled up to the menu, and peered out the sign now trying to make that instant decision of how to clog my arteries. Basically Biscuitville has 4 basic ingredients that make up a plethora of menu items. Eggs, Biscuits, Bacon, & Sausage. The cool thing about Biscuitville though is that they offer it in double meat, double cheese, or just a huge bucket of the stuff without the biscuit called CarbSmart Food. Not wanting to take the healthy route, I opted for the double decker sausage and cheese biscuit. Thankfully its a part of their value menu, so when you order it you can just say "I'd like a number one." so you don't sound like as much of a fat-ass. The lady in the speaker then asked me if I'd like to up-size it?

My stomach is saying "Oh yah"

My brain is saying "Your Kidding, Right?"

I eventually declined the offer as I'm trying to watch my figure.... (grow bigger) It makes me wonder though how many people fall into this ploy. You see, this is how it all starts. Double this double that, and then they ask you to up-size it.

Mathematically isn't that like 2x2 to the fourth power or something?

Never mind.

It's a lot of food. No one should have that much for breakfast. Unless your a construction worker or a fireman.

So I pull up, slip them my Visa, and it's at this point I feel guilty. Like a crack dealer buying his drug, I knew there was no turning back now.

Seconds later, sitting beside me in the car is my brown bag with steam rising out of it. I reach inside expecting to have to dig for my biscuit. But then I realize practically the whole bag is filled with the huge object.

Is it my food? "Jesus this is huge."

I wrench this sucker out of its little brown paper home, and quickly rip the wrapper off it. There it was, a huge buttermilk biscuit, with two huge patties of sausage that dripped grease on the melting cheese. Due to the dangerous size of this biscuit I probably shouldn't have been driving down I-40 at rush hour. But hey I live dangerously. Every time I would go to take a bite of this monster, the sheer size of it blocked my vision as I drove down the road.

By the time I reached work I was so full, and so tired from the effort of eating all the food, all I really wanted to do is take a nap. But then I looked down and forgot it came with French Fries. It was right about then I began talking to my breakfast again.

"You have got to be kidding me." I acclaimed.

Rather then take a siesta en la coche, I decided I should probably go to do some work. So I wipe off the crumbs and try to suck in the stomach.

That didn't work.

On a flight to Chicago this weekend, I saw a woman who had stowed two large boxes of hot biscuits in the overhead compartment.

Obviously some displaced southerner in Chicago was needing a fix.