Ranch French Fries

When it comes to French Fries, I swear it should be its own religion. People get absolutely mad if you put some sort of condiment that shouldn't be on fries... on fries. I remember the horror of the poor confused children in school who used to mix mayonnaise and mustard together to dip their french fries. I sat there just staring at them in shock and awe like it was the latest episode of fear factor. On-lookers would gasp and cringe with each bite this kid made like it was Hannibal Lector eating his victims.

This same look I often get when I dip my french fries in Ranch sauce. Let me explain things for the people who don't know. Ranch is the new cool. Ketchup is so-o-o out of date. The best part is you can get little cups of the white ranchy goodness at any drive-thru, because most all of them use it for salads, or Chicken. Of course when you only order French Fries your bound to get a weird look. For some reason they can't put two-and-two together. But I don't care. Let me explain though. There is a process to this madness. You can't go and buy a bottle of Hidden Valley Ranch. Its got to be those little damn cups of ranch. Next, you cant dump it on the Fries like Ketchup.... oh no.... You must dip my friend. A little advice to newcomers is that you generally need about 2-3 little buckets of ranch for a large fry. If Shaquita at Wendys gives you a hard time about giving you extra ranch. You'll want to remain calm. Gently put the car in park, turn off the radio and turn to the lady in the window. Now I assume by this time she has walked off, and closed her little foldy-in-windows. So you need to reach out and grab the window and pry it open. Then gently but with rising aggression tell her (so that everyone hears) "There is a finger in my food!" When she turns to you and says "excuse me", make your best zombie impression with your french fries in your hand and your arms extended into the building and Yell "NEED MORE RANCH" in your best monster voice. If that doesn't work just start honking your horn by by beating your head on the steering wheel repetitively.

I'm telling you its all worth it once you sink that french fry in the ranch and consume it in front of your friends. Suddenly your Mr or Mrs Popular, people are intrigued, you are a God, if only moment.