Western Guilford High School Class of 1995

Western Guilford

So yes several years ago, and in a different reality I attended high school at Western Guilford. I can't speak for everyone who attended this school, but us... the class of 1995, just happen to be the biggest bunch of screw-ups since Richard Nixon's administration.

My first question is where the hell are all of you? Did aliens abduct everyone? Did we all join a cult? My guess is we are the first graduating high school class since Woodstock to make a living growing and selling marijuana. I mean really? Where's our Bill Gates? Our Neil Armstrong? Our biggest claim to fame is when one of us made it onto America's most wanted.

I mean really? How in the hell were we ever expected to make it in real life? We drove our freshman English teacher into a psychotic breakdown within two weeks of arriving in high school. It was obvious after four years the administration at school just wanted to get us the hell out of there. I know for damn sure I never passed Chemistry, but thank God Mrs Ray passed my ass. Not to say I didn't learn anything. I am now armed with the knowledge of how to build a bomb with nail polish and a tampon.

Remember the teacher whose grade book was filled with smiley faces and sad faces rather the A,B,C, & F's? How she would fall asleep during class assignments and pretend like she heard the whole thing at the end?

Oh and Coach Blackman... my bus driver. Perhaps the smartest person in the whole school, and he didn't even teach. This man could sum up the theory of relativity with a clip board and a dry erase marker. The man was a genius.

Then their was the gay drama teacher. At least we thought he was gay. We had no proof of course, but the fact that he never tried to combat the assumption leaves me thinking, yep he's gay. But that's okay.... just think of how many of your students that are probably gay now too? We didn't know it then.... but hey its cool to be gay now!

May I not forget my French Teacher.... oh was she an evil lady. I swear this woman went home to a caudran and a broomstick to cook little kitties. I had just returned from my cousins funeral, of which she was fully aware of. She told me to "get over it" & "this is the real world." Needless to say I failed her class. If she only knew that in the real world people don't speak French.

So anyhow its like, 10 years later. The old high school looks pretty different. Thanks to my generous state education, my own personal success as a loser has come full circle. My official job title is Unemployed, but from this point on we will refer to a new title the head of my department (me) has coined: Head of Scientific Research for the discovery of laziness

What high school should teach you is how to successfully fill out a food stamp application. Or the tax rate on Wendy's Value menu in comparison to the change in your ashtray. They should teach you how to write a check and figure exactly how many days before the bank actually cashes it, in contrast to when your paycheck arrives. They should teach you that instead of following your dreams, the only way you will afford that double-wide is to open an EBay store and sell toast with the face of Jesus on it.

But they didn't

So here's to you class of Western Guilford Class of 95!