Travel and infants

Travel and infants

by SouthernFriedInfidel | Published on June 13th, 2010, 5:46 am | Travel

I had plenty of time yesterday to ponder this question: Is there a good reason to put an infant or toddler into a jet for 7 or 8 continuous hours of flight?

In my case, I was trapped in the bowels of a Boeing 777 jet with a minimum of 5 humans under the age of 3 for the flight from Heathrow (an airport I hope never to encounter again) to JFK (another airport that I think needs to be plowed under and rebuilt from the ground up), and it was an exercise in misery.

One family, sitting directly in front of me, had 2 of these devices used to torture strangers, a MINIMUM gap in age between them of 1 year. The crying and active playtimes started the instant these people tried to settle into their seats. The family was not only doing their own work to keep these tiny human tornadoes in check for the entire flight, they were enlisting the help of the flight crew, sending them at least 3 times to heat milk bottles, fetch extra snacks and run other errands for them. When the 2-year-old got fed up with his enforced inactivity and threw a piercing temper tantrum of proportions that I had never encountered with MY toddler, they did the entire coach section of the plan the service of walking the little bundle of wretchedness all through the cabin... presumably to spread the hostility around a little more evenly.

So I got to thinking... I actually spent the week of my vacation being in some level of contact with these and several other people from America who brought their infants and toddlers to Europe. And for the life of me, I can't see the sense in it. Why take an infant on a journey half-way around the globe... for a pleasure vacation? It can't be for the purpose of enriching the child's life. She or he can never understand or recall the event. And as I said, the child (or children) can be certain to make everyone within earshot miserable, let alone ratcheting up the stress on the parents. So how can one justify the enormous expense of going on this sort of trip?

It seems to me that sure, a family needs to be able to "get away" on vacations at times while children are growing up. I know my wife and I took our infant on a few trips. ROAD trips to the mountains or beach. Where any misery was limited to our car and hotel room, not spread to hundreds of fellow travelers. We enjoyed the good times of those jaunts, and simply waited until we could be reasonably sure we could undertake long-haul trips (like driving to Florida) with a child who could both remember the experience and behave tolerably well around crowds.

Is this an unreasonable way to handle the notion of vacationing while you have extremely young kids in your charge?

[Liv]

I assume the children were American children? LOL... because there is a difference.... I noticed it on our trip.

First why? Perhaps they have family there? Or... perhaps they have no one stateside to watch the kids?

The reason we haven't taken our kids, is because we don't think they're ready for it. I can hear them screaming they're "bored" walking on the Tower wall or me explaining that's where Big Ben and Parliament is.... Definitely not a place for American kids who have no culture... I'll stick them in front of Cartoon Network for a few more years until they gain a sense of wonder.... and take them to Great Wolf Lodge as a consolation prize. (We're considering Disney next year...)

That said... Our experience was very similar except it was was noticeable different between the American children and parents and their European counterparts. One of the infants crawled through the aisle way in between beverage cart shifts and played with another infant... well behaved, and made us all smile that here, up in the air, at 30,000 feet that children with different ethnic and cultural backgrounds were playing together... it was beautiful...

And while I've ran into my share of snot nose American kids with hand-held games and a belief that the call button is their personal drink service, generally it's the American parents whom are the pains in the asses. The ones that get on bored and get pissed off because they're to cramped, or something isn't clean enough... It's an airplane not an operating room.

But truthfully... I can't say it bothers me all that much. It's a part of travelling. I accept that. We all have to do it. What bothers me is when others don't accept that "we're all in this together" mentality and believes their $800 gives them a right to dictate how their flight should be. The people that get mad and upset at the flight attendants for the littlest things, or make flying more difficult.. Here's the deal people... get in, sit down, and shut up... for the next 9 hours we're all family... so get along.

[A Person]

I've travelled with our kids since they were infants. (It was either that or they would be strangers to most of their family).The only time it's a problem is during landing and takeoff when the pressure changes. They tend to scream then and there's not much a parent can do. The rest of the flight they behaved much as they usually do, Unfortunately many kids are not well behaved normally so they behave no differently on a plane.

I had a kid behind me once who kept kicking the seat back. I had a quiet word with him and he stopped. His parents asked him what I said but he wouldn't tell them. I simply said "Please stop kicking my seat back or I will really regret what I will have to do to you"

Which was likely nothing - which I would have regretted - but imagination works wonders

[SouthernFriedInfidel]

First why? Perhaps they have family there? Or... perhaps they have no one stateside to watch the kids?

Do you think these are sufficient reasons to take toddlers on 7-10 hr international flights?

So what if there's no one at home to take them off your hands for a week or so? Isn't that a rather a reason to choose some other, less bothersome sort of vacation?

My point was that dragging their kids that far seems to me to be an extremely selfish decision: "I want to go to a cruise NOW, and I don't care who gets hurt while I do it!"

The reason we haven't taken our kids, is because we don't think they're ready for it.

Exactly. And if you had been unable to make arrangements for care -- would you have still gone, dragging them, as unready as they were? Or would you have said, "I guess we'll need to wait a few years till they're grown enough to understand what's happening"?

I'll stick them in front of Cartoon Network for a few more years until they gain a sense of wonder.

I really doubt that Cartoon Network is capable of helping a little kid develop any sense other than a sort of radar for merchandise connected to their favorite toon. But obviously, that's another matter completely. I'm just sayin'...

That said... Our experience was very similar except it was was noticeable different between the American children and parents and their European counterparts. One of the infants crawled through the aisle way in between beverage cart shifts and played with another infant... well behaved, and made us all smile that here, up in the air, at 30,000 feet that children with different ethnic and cultural backgrounds were playing together... it was beautiful...

I have to say that on this trip, we saw a fairly large population of British parents. Their spawn may have been a bit better behaved, if they were over the age of say 5. But under that, parenting seemed to me to match American in terms of ability to handle virtually non-existent attention spans and temper issues. Cluelessness and lack of patience abounded.

And while I've ran into my share of snot nose American kids with hand-held games and a belief that the call button is their personal drink service, generally it's the American parents whom are the pains in the asses. The ones that get on bored and get pissed off because they're to cramped, or something isn't clean enough... It's an airplane not an operating room.

You'll find very little disagreement on this from me or anyone else, I expect.

But truthfully... I can't say it bothers me all that much. It's a part of travelling. I accept that. We all have to do it.

I dispute that. Travel is nearly always optional. My parents only took me out of the state a few times before I reached the age of 12. Mostly due to that thing called poverty.

What bothers me is when others don't accept that "we're all in this together" mentality and believes their $800 gives them a right to dictate how their flight should be. The people that get mad and upset at the flight attendants for the littlest things, or make flying more difficult.. Here's the deal people... get in, sit down, and shut up... for the next 9 hours we're all family... so get along.

You do get all sorts of attitudes when traveling. One needs a very thick skin. And if possible a set of industrial-strength noise-canceling earphones.

[Liv]

Now it wasn't a plane but on our TGV from Brussels to Paris we actually made friends with a little French girl (the best we could with our language barrier at the time)... She was well behaved, played with her toys and drew on paper. She'd turn back every few minutes and show us. I suppose to some it would be annoying, but I rather enjoyed it.

[A Person]

My kids are good friends with their cousins in England and thoroughly enjoyed doing some of the things I enjoyed as a kid in England (and Wales) - exploring castles, going on boat trips in the rivers through the English countryside, an excursion accross the North Sea to Holland to see the docks at Rotterdam and Anne Frank's house in Amsterdam. And that's not including trips to Mexico, Disneyland etc.

To go anywhere from here is a miniumum of a 12 hour car drive so an 8 hour flight is no hardship. Far from being selfish, I consider the air fare well spent and has helped to turn the kids into well rounded citizens of the world, aware of other peoples and cultures.

Now possibly when my first born was 6 months old and we went back, he didn't get a lot from it - but his grandparents, aunts and uncles did and other than a bit of crying when we took off he was largely unoticable - except to some old biddies who like to coo over babies.

So no regrets and I refuse to feel guilty. Ya boo sucks to old fogeys.

[Liv]

Do you think these are sufficient reasons to take toddlers on 7-10 hr international flights?

When you have in-laws threatening you and a spouse that demands to see her parents... Yes.

So what if there's no one at home to take them off your hands for a week or so? Isn't that a rather a reason to choose some other, less bothersome sort of vacation?

Well, before we had children I use to say being a parent won't change a thing. We will just continue to do what we do, just having more people with us. Unfortunately I was naive. However, if, given the financial capability to ensure the proper sort of vacation, I wouldn't hesitate on taking them places. The way me and Shan travel, with a backpack, always on the run and cheap food wouldn't fly with the kids necessarily.... But If I had the money and time to fly them across & do a river boat rental being able to financially control the fun, and safety... then I would. It's just the having children thing is like an exponent on cost. Multiples of 10 grow in huge secession of each idea when you have kids.

[SouthernFriedInfidel]

Do you think these are sufficient reasons to take toddlers on 7-10 hr international flights?

When you have in-laws threatening you and a spouse that demands to see her parents... Yes.

Fair enough. In that case, I'd accuse the in-laws of being unreasonably selfish. Particularly in this day of internet communication. Also, it seems more reasonable to me for the in-laws to come to the grandkids if they want to see them before they're 6 years old.

So what if there's no one at home to take them off your hands for a week or so? Isn't that a rather a reason to choose some other, less bothersome sort of vacation?

Well, before we had children I use to say being a parent won't change a thing. We will just continue to do what we do, just having more people with us. Unfortunately I was naive. However, if, given the financial capability to ensure the proper sort of vacation, I wouldn't hesitate on taking them places. The way me and Shan travel, with a backpack, always on the run and cheap food wouldn't fly with the kids necessarily.... But If I had the money and time to fly them across & do a river boat rental being able to financially control the fun, and safety... then I would. It's just the having children thing is like an exponent on cost. Multiples of 10 grow in huge secession of each idea when you have kids.

Indeed. 3 or 4 sure can't live as cheaply as 2.

[Liv]

it seems more reasonable to me for the in-laws to come to the grand kids if they want to see them before they're 6 years old.

Oh now SFI, you're being too rationale... one would think so... but apparently since we're the ones who moved away it's our fault.... therefore our responsibility.

Remember my family-in-laws aren't normal. Not sure if anyone has ones that are. We were told not to tell certain family members we were going to Europe this year because it would upset certain family since we weren't flying back to Cali. Suddenly we're not allowed to share our lives. And, you want to know why we chose to go back to Europe than to Calif? (Because we did discuss it.) Because we're sick and tired of emotionally draining drama like this...

Yeah, no, I totally agree SFI... but from a practicality standpoint when we all live with dyfunctionality within our family structure. (Because we know we're not the only ones like this.) Sometimes what should be, and what has to be are two different things.

Indeed. 3 or 4 sure can't live as cheaply as 2.

Yeah but the point is 1 child does not equal the cost of one adult... child = adult^10