I Saved the Day At Walmart
by Liv | Published on October 27th, 2005, 8:01 am | Life
So I'm at Walmart yesterday. Lovely place they have there. Despite the fact they didn't have pink corduroy pants in my size, nor halloween Costumes other then a witch or spider wench available to adults, I still like the place. Now the bathrooms are something of a horror. For some reason they assume every woman is 3 inches high, which explains the lowrider toliets that put my knees level with my forehead as I sit. Lets not even call it the women's bathroom, because its more like the Women's & a million screaming children bathroom.
Anyways on to the real excitement of Walmart. As we are about to leave we pass the usual Iraqi Security check point, with Walmarts magnetic sensors secretly hidden by the latest DVD cardboard covering, and the old guy in the wheel chair with the bright yellow stickers. Familar with the routine, I have my reciept in hand ready to prove the super-giganto pack of diapers was actually purchased and payed for. But just as we pass the security tag sensors, we hear "You have activated the Walmart security System, Please stand back with your hands on your head, while some dirty old man frisks you for the batteries the cashier forgot to swipe."
Or something along that line.
At first I thought, oh goodness what did my 3 year old steal this time, or was it our 1 year old??
But it wasn't us. Before we realized it, wheel chair man was so excited he had slammed his electric wheel chair joystick to the right, and was spinning, saying hold up, hold up... still spinning, now struggling with frustration a man with a large trash can had now increased his walk to a brisk run. As he passed the old man who had finally gotten ahold of his joystick, the thief yells " It's just a trash can!"
Sure? Like they put security labels on trash cans!
At this point a early ninties Thunderbird pulls up to the front of Wally World, and this guy with the trash can tries to jump in, but he can't seem to get in with the trash can. Meanwhile the Walmart guy commands me to go get his license plate.
I'm thinking... uh no.
But... then I start my slo-mo baywatch run toward the curb. This is not a pretty sight. Girls with big breasts should not run. period.
So I get out there and begin the game of reading the plate, and trying to memorize the number. The redneck-car is driving off now, with the guy partially hanging outside the car. I am now in the bent over position thinking for some reason the extra foot and a half will bring it into clarity. I walk back in and the Walmart Greeter says wait here, I'll go get help. A few minutes later he comes back and ask me to write down the plate. He thanks me, and me and the kids are on our way.
Now my feelings are divided on if I should have even given the license plate number to the guy. I mean after all, maybe it was someguy just trying to feed his family?
Who has fallen on hard times, and had no other option?
Then the other part of me says, they don't put security tags on hamburgers.
Finally I decided the guy should be busted just for being stupid. The fact he even set the alarm off, means he is really dumb. Second his getaway car was parked in front of Walmart, where there probably is a security cameras, and lastly... they didn't count on me getting the license plate off the vehicle. Sure he probably chose that exit because of the poor guy in the wheelchair. So do you think he was the least bit scared when he saw me bent over squinting to get his license plate? My breasts perhaps are the last thing he'd see before prison. Maybe thats punishment enough??
