Happiness or Contentment?
by rhys | Published on March 6th, 2008, 8:08 pm | Life
Is it possible to hold onto that feeling we get when we first learn to tie our shoes, ride a two wheel, blow out the candles on our 16th birthday, or have that first kiss with someone whom we truly love?
Is existing in a state of constant euphoria a goal that can actually be achieved without the assistance of mind-altering substances or man made devices?
If so, what would become of pain, misery and anger: Those emotions that tell us when our lives are threatened, our dignity violated or we’re in need of medical attention?
What happens if we could never feel guilt or disappointment? Would we continue to go through life making the same mistakes; never learning from our poor judgement?
And since death is inevitable for all living creatures, what would become of us if we could not grieve? Would we continue to go through life filled with an emotional void; never being able to move beyond the loss?
Without some sense of struggle can we ever truly grow to appreciate the joys of success and all of the beauty life has to offer?
Within our financially stratified culture, we often hear our friends and acquaintances voice their desire to return to a more youthful state of being. A time when their lives were less complicated by the prospect of finding stable employment that would sufficiently meet their monetary needs. A time when concerns such as mortgage payments, reliable transportation, health care and security were a given, or at least the responsibility of those who chose to care for our existence.
But if we stop to think back on our youth, could we say life was anything but simple?
Since children are solely dependent upon their parents at the early stages of life, we first learn to cry whenever our bodies tell us we are in need of food, rest or changing. Because we cannot do for ourselves we are primarily self-focused. It is not until we are exposed to other children we realize we are not the center of our own universe and must learn to adapt to a social environment.
Through uncertainty, embarrassment and all manner of confrontations that occur on the playing field, we begin to learn the pain and benefit of compromise.
Of course, nothing worth having is ever easy. Even social interactions among adults can be challenging without a certain amount of emotional effort.
Yet in spite of conflicts faced in the social world, as children, we always knew at the end of the day there would be a hot meal waiting, a warm bath to wash us clean and a soft bed to nestle when we returned from the riggers of the day. With the institution of family providing for our substantial needs (food, clothing, shelter), an air of contentment seemed to permeate our lives. We could meet whatever challenge life presented simply because the things we needed to sustain our physical shelves were provided by someone else. In a sense, when we are young our energies are primarily focused to toward our social survival, or growing up. We did not have to incur the stress of simply struggling to survive.
Amid the struggle of growing into capable adults, it would be difficult to view childhood was a ideal state of existence. This is especially true of adolescence when the transition into adulthood and the need for independence can often wedge an emotional barrier between ourselves and those we have come to rely upon our entire lives: our parents . At this stage, the desire for personal freedom often conflicts with the financial reality that our existence is still dependent upon those who have nurtured us through the early stages of life. Our distinct character that develops over the years eventually encourages us to view life on our own. But in order to do that, we must first learn to become self sufficient.
Taking into consideration the trials and personal conflicts that we must face as children, is it the happiness of our youth we long for as adults or the contentment obtained through the security of having our basic needs provided for?
They say as time progresses we tend to reflect upon our personal past with a sense of uncertainty. We can not quite remember things as we did when we were young. The stories, faces and experiences of our past often loose clarity. Day by day, an incident that happened years ago may become exaggerated in our mind become magnified into in a experience that may have been less effecting than in reality.
During our reflection upon youth, we often forget about the mistakes, embarrassing situations and disagreements with loved ones that are simply a part of growing up.
Could it be the happiness of our youth is often misinterpreted as the contentment we derived from the security of being cared?
If security is what we crave, how much do we require before a life of excess becomes inconsequential?
In the commercial world, our vision is constantly presented with images of an ideal life. In a world that financially thrives on the insecurity of others, we are continually bombarded by carefully crafted ads that speak of a happiness that can be bought. We see them every where we go.
When are parents don’t have time to watch us, they speak to us through the television screen; becoming the first messages we obtain in reference to the outside world. They greet us on magazine covers every week as we wait in the checkout line, on 50ft. billboards as we travel to and from work and in between news programs as we try to stay informed.
In their own distinct ways, they all seem to echo the same message: eat this cereal and you’ll never be bored, buy this car and all your problems will go away, purchase this ring and your marriage will last forever, or wear this outfit and others will finally see you for who you truly are.
They sink deep into our subconscious mind; becoming so embedded in our thoughts we barely realize such longings exist. Even though we may try to deny them, we often can not help comparing the images we grow up with we the world that exist around us. The saying “ You can never be too thin or too rich”, becomes almost a silent mantra for a population consumed by hectic work schedules and perpetually raised standards of living.
Although we continue to tell ourselves things don’t matter, they often become topic of conversation. Our ceremonies become more elaborate, our taste more discriminate and our ambitions more material.
Economists frequently acknowledge two thirds of our economy is dependent upon consumerism; which is often people buying products whether they need them or not. Of course, this may help explain the need for companies to find more convincing ways of getting people to part with what they earn.
But in all of this consumption and display, what is it we’re truly searching for?
And if what we are looking for can be bought, unlike happiness, can we ever find a way to hold onto it for an indefinitely?
If contentment is derived from a sense of security, what happens when we gamble what little we do have to acquire a feeling that may never be bought?
Questions to Ponder
Have you ever felt pressured to be happy when you were not? Did you find this process of emotional manipulation helpful or more stressful?
Do you feel there is a time to lament as well as a time show restraint?
Is there a difference between thinking positively (convincing yourself to be happy) and existing in a state of pleasant calm?
Is it important for us to distinguish between the two?
Oh well, I guess the fine folks at Starbucks will see me on my way to work in the morning.
