Seriously, You Don't Want Me in Your Church

Seriously, You Don't Want Me in Your Church

by Serendipitous | Published on February 20th, 2008, 8:03 pm | Life

I think this is less about Religion/Philosophy and more about Life. So I'll stuff it in this forum.

Today someone mentioned this is the earliest Easter in however many years, decades, centuries, whatever… I haven't looked it up. Anyway, it got me thinking about Easter 2005. Here is one more reason why I should spontaneously combust before entering a church, especially a Catholic church. :wink:

Mind you, it was Easter Sunday, the "Amen, Alleluia, Alleluia" Sunday of all Sundays. I finally made it through all the Fridays in Lent without accidentally eating meat. I figured I deserve a little dominus ominus for just that.

Picture this: My mom advised me and my family to meet her and my dad at church early to get decent seats. Mom has saved us seats, and our crew takes up a half of this super-long pew (it's my family of four plus my parents, my goddaughter, her parents, and a couple other people I don't know but my mom thinks I’m supposed to even though I haven’t lived there for more than 10 years). I’m looking around and commenting on the folks who resemble celebrities (and if you ask me, I saw Suzanne Somers, Julianne Moore, and George Lopez… a star-studded Easter Mass!)

It's not yet standing-room-only when we spot Lil’ Miss Easter Bonnet coming down the aisle. I start commenting on the bonnet. (Hey! It's not like I saw a fat guy getting carjacked and videotaped it instead of being Good Samaritans....y’know? Seinfeld.)

If there is a god, then the one that was in that church around 10:30 on Easter morning has a sense of humor. Otherwise, Easter Bonnet would have sat somewhere else. Out of all the other friggin' open seats, Easter Bonnet haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad to plant herself in the pew in front of me. And when the usher asked the congregation to "move to the center" to make room the scores of people still arriving, Easter Bonnet didn't budge but I did and THIS was directly in front of me.

(Note: I held the camera in my lap and turned off the flash so it wouldn't be THAT obvious)

It's not that it's an ugly hat… though I think those twiggy things would look better coming out of a vase and not a hat. The wiry thingies with beads on the ends were about 2 feet long, not quite in my face but definitely invading my 3-foot radius. I swear they were reaching out at me, daring me to tie them in knots, braid them all together, maybe bat 'em around like a cat would, or use my lighter to see how quickly each wick would burn and if it would set the whole thing ablaze like a good wick should... :twisted:

...and somehow I resisted. :mrgreen:

OMG!!! That's the most hideous thing I've ever seen in my life!!!

Liv wrote:OMG!!! That's the most hideous thing I've ever seen in my life!!!

The picture doesn't do it justice.

though I think those twiggy things would look better coming out of a vase and not a hat.

THAT was one of the best posts I've read in a while. THANKS! :lol:

Sanjuro wrote:
though I think those twiggy things would look better coming out of a vase and not a hat.

THAT was one of the best posts I've read in a while. THANKS!

Thank you! Good night!!! *exit stage right* :wink:

It's His Noodly Appendages!

Clearly only you as a Pirate of the Third Division (Able Seaman and Pillager 2nd class) could see them.

Proof.

Repent and put your faith in His Noodliness.

Y'know, AP... you might just have something there! There was a point during Mass when there was an overwhelming scent of garlic toast and I thought, "Man! That's some strange incense!"

Shoot! Where was that hat when I needed it! We had an "odd hat" contest at our last family get together and I was sore pressed to find any hat much less an odd one. Think of the prizes I could have won with that thing!!!!

That hat is kindergarten -level. Rank amateur. Absolute beginner. Minimalist millinery.
You want HATS?

http://www.amazon.com/Crowns-Portraits- ... 0385500866

C. Alice wrote:That hat is kindergarten -level. Rank amateur. Absolute beginner. Minimalist millinery.
You want HATS?

http://www.amazon.com/Crowns-Portraits- ... 0385500866

I wonder what I would be compelled to do if I was seated behind some of those hats!

That is absolutely one of the most hideous things I've ever seen! I cannot believe she thought it looked good. I probably would have done the same thing by photographing it or setting it on fire! And to top it off, she probably had on cream or white hosiery to "complete" the ensemble. :roll:

It looks like her hat sprung a leak.

Obviously, the whole bunch of you are rank neanderthals! You don't recognize high fashion when you see it! And fashion cannot get much higher than those antennae lifting off from that hat! Besides, consider how useful those protrusions are!

Haven't you ever seen curb finders? Well, how likely is she to bump her head on a door or statue or anything else sticking out from the wall in the church with those things sticking out of her hat???

She obviously takes the warning, "safety first!" very seriously. I think you all are just jealous.

Guest wrote:Obviously, the whole bunch of you are rank neanderthals! You don't recognize high fashion when you see it! And fashion cannot get much higher than those antennae lifting off from that hat! Besides, consider how useful those protrusions are!

Haven't you ever seen curb finders? Well, how likely is she to bump her head on a door or statue or anything else sticking out from the wall in the church with those things sticking out of her hat???

She obviously takes the warning, "safety first!" very seriously. I think you all are just jealous.

Damned right we're jealous! Of all of us, only SFI has the body and the height to carry off one of those chapeaus.
You may have hit on a great idea combining safety-consciousness and the fashion-forward - an orange traffic cone worn at a jaunty angle could be just the very next big thing!