The Cleaning Women

The Cleaning Women

by Matt | Published on October 31st, 2007, 12:04 pm | Life

The cleaning woman is out to get me.
She is evil.
She torments, don't you see?

The cleaning woman is not an employee of the business I work for.
She works for the contract cleaning service we use.
She is an outsider with free access to go anywhere, unnoticed, unassumed, like a ghost of lore.

I know you, cleaning woman.
You pretend to be innocent.
But you play your cerebral head games.

When I hear your plastic cleaning cart coming, with its one wobbly wheel, I cringe.
Wobble, wobble
Wooble, wobble

You time your routine to disrupt mine.
You show up to clean the bathroom when I have to go.
I try to keep it a secret, but somehow you know the right time.

Wooble, wobble
Wobble, wobble

I try to alter my routine, using other bathrooms to elude.
But you lie in wait.
Waiting to interrupt my moment of solitude.

Wobble, wobble
Wobble, wobble

You do not rely on surprise
You prefer the slow build of anticipation
Torturing me slowly as I wonder about my privacy's demise.

Wobble, wobble
Wobble, wobble

At lunch you run your vacuum, every day, with its sad drone.
How do our carpets get so dirty from yesterday?
Why do you wait to run it until I'm on the phone?

Wobble, wobble
Wobble, wobble

How do I combat your scheme?
Do I hope to outlast you?
Or is escape from your torment simply a dream?

Wobble, wobble
Wobble, wobble

I cannot tell others for they think me insane
If I try to explain the effects of your maddening sound
It will only be in vain.

Wobble, wobble
Wobble, wobble

We know each, cleaning woman, we know each other well
Who will win our war?
Only time will tell.

Evil bloody cleaning staff, with master keys, who once gained access to the server room and plugged their floor polisher into the UPS and brought down the network on the Friday of a long weekend, resulting in me having to delay my vacation start and come in.

Lest we forget. The Master Key Shalt Not Open the Server Room. Never Again.

Speaking of keys... I was walking by the "Cleaning lady" room on Saturday and their on the hook hung the master key ring set which opened everything.... No cleaning lady in sight, and It wouldn't have been anything for me to reach in, and pocket them. Don't know exactly what they would have got me in to, but I'm betting you a whole lot...

The cleaning & security thing always amazes me. We had a spate of laptops being stolen overnight. The security guard knew nothing. All the laptops were in locked offices. I stayed the night and discovered that at 8pm the cleaning supervisor (who was the only one trusted with the master key) walked round and unlocked every office door. The cleaners then cleaned each office and then the supervisor locked them all again around 2am. No one thought to mention this. I'm convinced that if you want to get past security, grab a mop and apply for a job as a cleaner. If you want to get through airport security, apply for a job WITH airport security.

A Person wrote:The cleaning & security thing always amazes me. We had a spate of laptops being stolen overnight. The security guard knew nothing. All the laptops were in locked offices. I stayed the night and discovered that at 8pm the cleaning supervisor (who was the only one trusted with the master key) walked round and unlocked every office door. The cleaners then cleaned each office and then the supervisor locked them all again around 2am. No one thought to mention this. I'm convinced that if you want to get past security, grab a mop and apply for a job as a cleaner. If you want to get through airport security, apply for a job WITH airport security.

Wow, almost the EXACT same thing happened in the offices here. They ended up putting in cameras and tightening security on the cleaning company.. of course most of the cleaning crew come in drunk anyway...

They used to just leave laptops lying around here... on the floor, on desks... Could have should have gotten me a freebie...

Right now I can't believe how they leave the projectors which are the size of a DVD case just sitting in the different conference rooms unattended.... There's a nice 5 grand projector for the right person.

Good thing is that most people are honest.