My cat is a gay

My cat is a gay

by Liv | Published on April 2nd, 2006, 10:50 am | Life

The following is a "Classic" Greensboring post....
Original Publication date: Thu Oct 13, 2005 10:26 pm

So I think I need to come out the closet. I've been living a lie for so long, and I can no longer maintain the deception any longer.

My cat is gay.

We always knew Sunshine was different. Perhaps the mere fact we named our boy kitty, Sunshine got things off on a bad foot. Lately I've been told that being gay is a lifestyle choice and that you can choose to not be gay. So we had a bit of an intervention. I sat our two cats down and had a stern talk with them.

Sunshine's lover, Schitzy (short for Schizophrenia) is also a male kitty, and also has a weight problem. When I say weight I'm talking like 50 pounds. This is not a thin cat. In fact if Schitzy's belly hung any lower to the ground his feet wouldn't reach the floor. This is a big cat. Obese. His favorite foods are pizza, cheeseburgers, & chocolate, although he is rarely allowed this any longer since starting his diet several months ago. We've caught him several times hiding near the baby's high chair for a drop of a delicious morsel of goodness.

So anyways I've tried explaining to them that the bible says being gay is a sin. I want my kitty to get into heaven so this is important to me. So I sat down and explained to him that even though they loved each other they should refrain from sexual intercourse between one another.

This of course didn't even begin to faze them, as they attacked one another in a love embrace and began licking one another all over. It was sickening, certainly God did not intend for Kitties to be Gay??? Why Me?
Why?

It was at this point I grabbed sunshine by the tale dragged him in front of the TV and said we're going to find you some kitty porn. I began by seeing what was on Discovery channel, Nope. some gay monkeys in Africa. Tried that Animal Channel, Nada, Some inter-species comedy show between a cat and a dog. So I turned it on the Christian Channel. It was at this point the cat literally turned its head towards me and did this cockeyed look and said "what the hells wrong with you?"

He was right and I knew it. Sunshine was gay. God had made him this way, and nothing I could say or do would change it. It wasn't a choice he made, it just was. It didn't effect my marriage at all, they could be gay and happy, and so could we, and the best part is we all spent less time fighting and arguing about it, which gave us more time to hide the lasagna from Schitzy the fatty.

OMG, your story cracked my up! I have four cats and I can't believe some of the S*** they get themselves into...

Funny story Liv. :lol:

Not that I dont like cats. If your squeemish you might not want to watch. You may have seen it already though.

Cat falls 80 foot from tree and lives!

There is a second part to that where the owner finally finds the cat under a car. It wasn't hurt from the looks of it. Amazing animals.

Fattest Cat in the World

I have no idea what the cat weighs, but lets just say this picture doesn't do him justice.

Perhaps your familiar with the SPCA, (Society for the Prevention & Cruelty of Animals) from the reality TV show called Animal cops, on Animal planet where cops go to bust the bad guy of cruel and inhumane treatment of animals.

Now SPCA has begun a program to educate and initiate the prevention of open breeding in neighborhoods by posting this handy dandy flyer. What makes it so hilarious is that several people must have completely flipped when the first started reading that their neighbor Mr. Whisker might have more in mind then just a late night stroll through the neighborhood.

: schitzy_cat.jpg (58.14 KiB) Viewed 2355 times

Our Cat Schitzy. Photograph by Chance.

" Whoa. Don't eat the brown catnip, man.."

Looks like the cat my wife and I had that just died this past week. He was fourteen years old.

RebelSnake wrote:Looks like the cat my wife and I had that just died this past week. He was fourteen years old.

Oh man -- I'm sorry to hear that, RebelSnake! It's always tough to lose a family member, especially one that's been with you for so long. :cry:

I realise that this is a sad occasion and that I'm being insensitive and irreverent but your phrasing made me laugh

Looks like the cat my wife and I had that just died this past week.

I mean how long did it take you to notice? Was it the lack of movement or the smell that alerted you?

Was yours obese too?

I'm thinking Thyroid problem.

The vet really couldn't say what the problem was, but he needed a blood transfusion because his blood count was about 13 and the vet said the number was supposed to be about 40. His stomach was bloated and he had gotten to the point where he could barely walk because he was so weak. Our only viable choices were to either take him home or go ahead and have him put to sleep. We didn't want to see him suffer any more than he already had. He had always been a skinny cat. His name was "Bones", if that gives you any hint as to his weight. I'm really going to miss that cat.

Didn't I meet him when I was at your place? Poor little guy...

Well I've got two... Schitzy and Sunshine... to different breeds and both about the same age. Both had their cojones removed, a few weeks after we got them. The one did fine and is Hyperthyroidic... always thin and skin, and eats very little. The other one ballooned to like 40 LBS and is a heifer.... He can out eat the 70LB dog, and has about as much energy as a Mr Roger's rerun on PBS.

If you want to help him lose weight, just feed him once a day. His metabolism is different from ours and doesn't require food several times every day. Obesity is no healthier for him than it is for us.

We tried that... Didn't work... because a) he starts eating things that aren't food. & b) he can open his own catfood bucket/bag and get in it. We've tried hiding it, but he still finds it.... Even when we can completely keep food away from him, he still doesn't lose weight.. I even bought the super expensive diet kitty food for like a year... guess what, the cat "gained" weight....

"....and has about as much energy as a Mr Roger's rerun on PBS."

HAHAHAHA!!!! I'll have to remember that one! :lol:

We (currently) have three cats, two older ones (13) and one younger (5). The younger one is obese so we had to stop leaving dried catfood out - the older ones would eat when they needed to, but the younger one would stuff herself. We started buying 'weight-loss cat food' (meat flavoured sawdust?) and feeding her separately. She's still football shaped but is now taller than she is wide.

The older cats really resented not having food out and would complain loudly and incessantly - then if we gave them some they would just sniff it and then walk away satisfied that food would be forthcoming on demand. They still don;t like the idea of set meal times.

Jesus Cat.swf [ 370.08 KiB | Viewed 1123 times ]

I've got 2 cats. One is fat and lazy and would never even think about going outside because it would just take too much effort. The other one (Sunshine) is your common mischievous cat. This is the cat we found mysteriously roaming the roof-tops of our 2 story apartment building at 3AM when living in California. But that isn't the interesting part. No. The only access to the roof from our apartment was a skylight window that sat opened some 20 feet above the floor in the cathedral ceiling. Now the cat didn't jump 20 feet, he would first climb onto the computer, which was next to a book case. This was the first 6 feet. Then from there he would jump on top of the kitchen cabinets (it was a studio apartment) which was halfway there. Now the window was another good 7 or 8 feet, but what made it more difficult was that it was several feet directly to the right. So the cat was jumping from diagonally to the window which overlooked the kitchen and dining room.

So one night we're laying in bed looking out similar windows in our bedroom, (which don't open) and we see something go by? I'm like what? That looks like Sunshine. It was sunshine! Eventually I coaxed him back in, and decided to shut that window.

So this brings us to last week. Sunshine is outside and we're thinking okay, one of the kids let him out right? Until about 20 minutes ago when I saw the cat open the door. I'm like what? I'm not kidding you the freaking cat just opened the the door. Now if I wake up and find the car gone, I'm going to be really pissed.