Valentine's Day Sucks for Fat Kids
by Liv | Published on February 14th, 2006, 10:28 am | Life
Valentines day is one of those days that everyone seems to love. Candy, Balloons, Flowers, Jewelry, and most of all Love. It's the one day each year we step outside of our hard shells and act like we should... except for the few of us.
Yes kids. Valentines day is great if your popular. But if your fat, ugly or stupid it really sucks. You see, you make these brown paper bags and decorate them days in advance. Then when Valentine's day comes you tape them to the desk, and hope for the best as those people in your class drop the Valentines day cards that have been meticulously purchased and wrote out, into the brown paper bag. The problem here is the anonymity. While your off sticking your "You Quake Me Up" card into the bag of your friends, your unable to keep track of your mob hits, on who didn't give you a card.
Now here's the thing, and Scientific fact:
Fat Kids get 40% less valentines
Kids with glasses get 30% less valentines
If Your Handicap you get 20% less valentines
If you smell bad your lucky to get any at all.
of course here in North Carolina theres a few more.
Kid with no teeth, or tattoos get 15% less valentines unless they carry a shot gun to school, then they get 150% more.
Kids that call there mother Ma-maw or their dad's Paw paw should deduct another 10%
Kids that get picked up or dropped off on John Deere riding mowers with their step dad lose a whopping 98% of there Valentines.
I'm sorry fat kids, life is tough... aim high and work hard it's a dog-eat-dog world. Just remember there's payback later in life, when you lose that weight, go on Jerry Springer in the episode "look at me now."
Happy Valentines day!