Catholics ordered to keep quiet until vetted by atheists

Catholics ordered to keep quiet until vetted by atheists

by A Person | Published on January 13th, 2009, 4:45 pm | Religion

http://www.independent.co.uk/news/world ... 32016.html

Catholics who claim they have seen the Virgin Mary will be forced to remain silent about the apparitions until a team of psychologists, theologians, priests and exorcists have fully investigated their claims under new Vatican guidelines aimed at stamping out false claims of miraclesmiracles.

The Pope has instructed the Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith, formerly the Holy Office of the Inquisition, to draw up a new handbook to help bishops snuff out an explosion of bogus heavenly apparitions.

Benedict XVI plans to update the Vatican's current rules on investigating apparitions to help distinguish between true and false claims of visions of Jesus and the Virgin Mary, messages, stigmata (the appearances of the five wounds of Christ), weeping and bleeding statues and Eucharistic miracles.

Monsignor Luis Francisco Ladaria Ferrer, a respected Spanish Jesuit archbishop, has been placed in charge of drawing up the handbook, known as a "vademecum", which will update the current rules set in 1978.

According to Petrus, an Italian online magazine which leans towards conservative elements in the Vatican, anyone who claims to have seen an apparition will only be believed as long as they remain silent and do not court publicity over their claims. If they refuse to obey, this will be taken as a sign that their claims are false.

The visionaries will then be visited by a team of psychiatrists, either atheists or Catholics, to certify their mental health while theologians will assess the content of any heavenly messages to see if they contravene Church teachings.

If the visionary is considered credible they will ultimately be questioned by one or more demonologists and exorcists to exclude the possibility that Satan is hiding behind the apparitions in order to deceive the faithful.

It's nice to see they are being so rigorous in their investigations of the supernatural. I wonder what they would have made of John of Patmos.

"Sorry, too many magic mushrooms. Back to the happy room"

Now someone at Guilford Country School needs to explain while my high school counselor never advised me I could have a job in Demonology.... I would have dropped all the performing arts stuff in a minute!

I wonder what the career path is for demonologists? I mean, how long do they train on the job? Do they start with minor imps and gremlins that make cars sputter without explanation... or maybe they patrol Catholic homes for monsters that hide under beds? And after getting their initial certification, do they have to serve some sort of internship? Like maybe checking in on fortune tellers and Tarot readers, make sure they only channel approved, benign spirits? And what is a demonologist's life like once they graduate up to dealing with Amityville-type creatures?

Man, what a heck of a gig...

A Person wrote:http://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/europe/catholics-ordered-to-keep-quiet-over-virgin-visions-1332016.html

The visionaries will then be visited by a team of psychiatrists, either atheists or Catholics, to certify their mental health while theologians will assess the content of any heavenly messages to see if they contravene Church teachings.

Hold on here -- so God isn't allowed to inform the church that it got something wrong? What a SHOCK! :shhh:

Seriously... What college can I go to, to get my demonolgy degree... can I do it at one of those school-at-home, tv deals?

It would look much better on the resume then anything else that's on there.

American Institute of Metaphysics*

DEMONOLOGY

Program Objectives

Explore man's dependence on non-Human powers.
Recognize that the concepts 'god' and 'demon' are not evenly weighted in the various religions.
Identify the basic demon and fairy/faery.
Gain insight into the role of the vampire in history, literature and folklore.
Identify Loup-garou and other creatures from around the world.
Name classic werewolf movies.
Site methods for slaying the werewolf.
Identify 3 basic phases of demonic attack.

Course Listings and Descriptions
Introduction to Demonology/Advanced Demonology (D 510/511): Basic introduction and examination of the discipline followed by an extensive into phenomena associated with demonic activity.

Vampirology (D 512): Offshoot discipline of demonology dealing specifically with Nosferatu-the undead.
Lycanthropy (D 513): Investigate the truth behind the legend of the werewolf.

*NOTE: Education at the American Institute of Metaphysics is not intended to serve as a substitute for education at a traditional college or university. Because AIM does not seek to indoctrinate students into the mainstream, Western paradigm, traditional mathematics, literature, and science are not taught. These disciplines are incorporated into many areas of study at AIM insofar as they can be made to apply in validation of the alternative, non-traditional disciplines and philosophies that are taught. Degrees and credits are not transferable from AIM to other mainstream universities. Therefore, students pursuing degrees at AIM are doing so to further their knowledge and skill base in their chosen disciplines.

Because so many AIM students are working adults, the home-study format is ideal. Students are permitted to work at their own pace-- completing coursework when their lifestyle, work, home, and family responsibilities permit.

They're not accredited by the Catholic Church either.

Hmmm... I can't recall Demonolgist being on the skills shortage list for anywhere....

I've had to exorcise a few demons from servers and code in my time. Praying does nothing but a few sacrifices and well chosen epithets work wonders

For some reason this thread makes me think of that guy who gets pissed at his computer, picks up the moniter and chucks it.

He forgot the all-seeing eye.

Never use physical violence inside the building or the demons will leave and possess other office equipment, take it to a secluded field and return it to nature. There's nothing high-technology demons hate more than open spaces with no power outlets

Exorcism Rite

Oh... my... me and that Hand Geometry Reader at work would have some fun if I ever got it out in an open field with a bat...