·  News ·  Travel ·  Food ·  Arts ·  Science ·  Sports ·  Advice ·  Religion ·  Life ·  Greensboro · 

Joel Osteen is the Devil

by Liv | Published on August 26th, 2007, 3:23 pm | Religion
Stop it. Right now. I'm not bagging on religion, but this guy seriously gets my nipple in a knot. Rewind about 6 months ago, and Dad & Mom go to a Joel Osteen concert down in South Carolina. Whose Joel Osteen, you ask? Well a) he's the devil, and b) he's the leader of the largest Church in America. He gives service in a sports arena, and makes millions of dollars. I have no problem with the guy except that his darn emails keep showing up in my inbox. Every week I get something like this:

joel_osteen_is_the_devil.jpg
joel_osteen_is_the_devil.jpg (31.79 KiB) Viewed 3284 times


Do you need God's direction in your life? Often times, the Lord will instruct your heart to do something that's just the opposite of what your natural mind thinks you should do. It doesn't make sense, but God's principals are very different from the world's principals.


You'd think I could "unsubscribe" right? No, Joel isn't sending them. My dad is. He just loves Joel & Vicky so much that he's tickled pink by each and everyone of these "Christian Spams", that he forwards them to me. It's not like I can tell them man to stop sending them. Heck, I told them, I don't really believe in God anymore, and he told me "some day, you'll get over this rebellous phase."

At one point the other day after recieving "The Joel & Vicky Osteen" Smiley picture newsletter for the umpteenth time, I cracked and started searching for the smoking gun on this guy. The "Snopes" version of Osteen, that I could forward back to dad, and enlighten the man. Unfortunately the guy is a saint except for being insanely rich, and screwing up a minor interview with Larry King Live.

So I gave up, went back to programming.

But the guy is the Devil, I know it. You know how you just get a feeling deep down in your heart? Maybe it's made worst by the fact, Dad suggests "I'd like the guy." No, I've changed a bit from my childhood religious views. I'm not saying there isn't a God, I just don't think Joel Osteen with his perfect teeth, his corrupt smile, his skinny barbie wife, and his millions of dollars was chosen to bring me the message.

Perhaps Joel Osteen can make me a believer again? If there is a God, I suggest Joel Osteen prove it by giving up half his annual salary to the homeless. Better yet, how about 40% to homeless, and 10% to me? Then I'll believe in your God, Joel.
 
 
I always thought of Osteen as a smarmy little prick who does what all smarmy little pricks do: go on TV to sell worthless swag to stupid people who have more money than sense, even if it is only by a few cents. I've never seen anything to make me think differently.
August 27th, 2007, 7:08 am
User avatar
SouthernFriedInfidel
 
Location: 5th circle of hell -- actually not very crowded at the moment.
I've got to say, it must be one hell of a feeling standing up there in front of stadium full of people, realizing that you can pretty much say whatever you want to say, or even suggest to the people something, and alot of them will do it.... It must feel like being a God...

thus the whole mental dichotomy.
August 27th, 2007, 10:26 am
User avatar
Liv
I show you something fantastic and you find fault.
 
Location: Greensboro, NC
Wages of sin may be death, but seems like "godliness" pays off in cold, hard cash:

http://www.walletpop.com/article/_a/god-wants-me-to-be-rich/20080724133909990001
The only way to deal with an unfree world is to become so absolutely free that your very existence is an act of rebellion. -- Albert Camus

Don't pick a fight with an old man. If he is too old to fight, he'll just kill you.
-- John Steinbeck
July 27th, 2008, 8:37 am
User avatar
The Rain King
 
Location: High Point
God I hate Osteen...
July 27th, 2008, 8:48 am
User avatar
Liv
I show you something fantastic and you find fault.
 
Location: Greensboro, NC
Liv wrote:God I hate Osteen...

Can't argue with that. I sometimes wish I was as devoid of principles as him, so that I could rip off followers with a show like his. I just couldn't sleep at night if I did what he does. :?
July 28th, 2008, 11:52 am
User avatar
SouthernFriedInfidel
 
Location: 5th circle of hell -- actually not very crowded at the moment.
I'm just sick of the g-d emails. Dad forwards every damn one.... Like I'm going to become a believer because of Osteen.
July 28th, 2008, 5:19 pm
User avatar
Liv
I show you something fantastic and you find fault.
 
Location: Greensboro, NC
I believe that any preacher that does not preach the whole Word of God is a false teacher. I believe JO is a false teacher.
All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second,it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.

Ephesians 2:8-9 For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God: Not of works, lest any man should boast.
July 28th, 2008, 10:58 pm
User avatar
BecauseHeLives
 
BecauseHeLives wrote:I believe that any preacher that does not preach the whole Word of God is a false teacher. I believe JO is a false teacher.


Contradictions of Joel on Larry King... http://pewview.mu.nu/archives/094146.html
July 28th, 2008, 11:02 pm
User avatar
BecauseHeLives
 
Don't get me wrong, the man is a genius. More to the point, if it wasn't the idea that he was rich as bill gates, I'd probably like him. It's the smile.... and then the idea... he preaches in a stadium... If he wasn't so damn rich it just wouldn't seem nearly as hypocritical.
July 29th, 2008, 3:05 pm
User avatar
Liv
I show you something fantastic and you find fault.
 
Location: Greensboro, NC
Victoria Osteen, wife of Joel Osteen, is being sued for getting rough with an airliner hostess over a stained seat. Among the list of things she might end up paying for -- damages to the faith of the stewardess.

I'll have to watch this case closely. If it turns out that one can sue for damages to one's faith, I may have to make a list of people who helped erode my faith over the years and retain a lawyer. :lol:
August 7th, 2008, 11:07 am
User avatar
SouthernFriedInfidel
 
Location: 5th circle of hell -- actually not very crowded at the moment.
Wow, shes like a Barbie doll with the crazy eyes!
"You can't put the civil rights of a minority up for a majority vote."
August 7th, 2008, 11:24 am
User avatar
Sanjuro
Expert...on everything...
 
Sanjuro wrote:Wow, shes like a Barbie doll with the crazy eyes!

Wonder why the Televangelist circuit seems to always have a fresh supply of Tammy Faye Bakker types? :twisted:
August 7th, 2008, 11:25 am
User avatar
SouthernFriedInfidel
 
Location: 5th circle of hell -- actually not very crowded at the moment.
SouthernFriedInfidel wrote:
Sanjuro wrote:Wow, shes like a Barbie doll with the crazy eyes!

Wonder why the Televangelist circuit seems to always have a fresh supply of Tammy Faye Bakker types? :twisted:


She's way hotter than tammy fay sir.
August 7th, 2008, 11:29 am
User avatar
Sanjuro
Expert...on everything...
 
Sanjuro wrote:
SouthernFriedInfidel wrote:Wonder why the Televangelist circuit seems to always have a fresh supply of Tammy Faye Bakker types? :twisted:


She's way hotter than tammy fay sir.

Give her about 10 years... and 5 lbs of makeup. :mrgreen:
August 7th, 2008, 11:37 am
User avatar
SouthernFriedInfidel
 
Location: 5th circle of hell -- actually not very crowded at the moment.
SouthernFriedInfidel wrote:
Sanjuro wrote:
SouthernFriedInfidel wrote:Wonder why the Televangelist circuit seems to always have a fresh supply of Tammy Faye Bakker types? :twisted:


She's way hotter than tammy fay sir.

Give her about 10 years... and 5 lbs of makeup. :mrgreen:


Incidentally, do you know where I could find a low cost flight?
August 7th, 2008, 11:40 am
User avatar
Sanjuro
Expert...on everything...
 
Sanjuro wrote:Incidentally, do you know where I could find a low cost flight?

You know, I seem to recall seeing a link that could help. Can't put my finger on where, exactly...

You might need a credit card to buy a ticket, though... :roll:
August 7th, 2008, 11:44 am
User avatar
SouthernFriedInfidel
 
Location: 5th circle of hell -- actually not very crowded at the moment.
SouthernFriedInfidel wrote:
Sanjuro wrote:Incidentally, do you know where I could find a low cost flight?

You know, I seem to recall seeing a link that could help. Can't put my finger on where, exactly...

You might need a credit card to buy a ticket, though... :roll:



If only I had 200 to choose from!
August 7th, 2008, 11:48 am
User avatar
Sanjuro
Expert...on everything...
 
Sanjuro wrote:You might need a credit card to buy a ticket, though... :roll:

If only I had 200 to choose from![/quote]
True, 200 top cards to choose from would be great. But you know, you take what you can get. 8)
August 7th, 2008, 11:59 am
User avatar
SouthernFriedInfidel
 
Location: 5th circle of hell -- actually not very crowded at the moment.
So who has had more cosmetic surgery, Joel Osteen or Vicky?
August 7th, 2008, 3:34 pm
User avatar
Liv
I show you something fantastic and you find fault.
 
Location: Greensboro, NC
It's a very frivelous suit indeed. Borderline balckmail. On the other hand I see absolutely no redeeming value in Olsteen's ministries anyway. He tells people what he thinks they want to hear and apparently has been pretty successful with that approach. How would you like to have a doctor like that?

Oh well....
August 7th, 2008, 8:00 pm
User avatar
BecauseHeLives
 
The miraculous creation of a hemorrhoid
by smiting a stewardess in the breasts is biblically
known among those of faith as
FAARTS
(FAILED ASSHOLE ABORTS RELIGIOUSLY TORN STEWARDESS)

So how much is "FAITH" legally worth?
Mebbe 97 cents?
But how much does
the now spiritually crippled stewardess
owe Doctor Victoria for rendering competant
psychiatric services in exorcizing her weak
gullible mind of its childishly primitive faerytales?
I believe the satanically significant sum of $6.66.
So, $6.66 minus 97 cents,
the stewardess owes Doctor Victoria
exactly $5.69 payable to her holy husband's
sacred collection plate next sunday morning.
August 7th, 2008, 8:06 pm
Osamama
 
They're saying the Jury bought Vicky Osteen's story over the stewardess's.... and just giving her a slap on the wrist with a 3 grand fine.

Loser.
August 14th, 2008, 4:16 pm
User avatar
Liv
I show you something fantastic and you find fault.
 
Location: Greensboro, NC
Did you joel osteen can bench like 220 lbs? I swear, I saw him do it on tv. And, no, I never noticed him blinking 55 times a minute. How did you catch that? Look up the Dawkins clip with Osteen on youtube, its perty funny. Dawkin is just about on the other end of the smarmy spectrum sometimes, though. Is clueless smarmy more annoying that evil, godless genious smarmy? I'll have to think on that one.
December 18th, 2008, 11:48 pm
HolyShlitz!
 

Return to Religion