Joel Osteen is the Devil
by Liv | Published on August 26th, 2007, 3:23 pm | Religion
Stop it. Right now. I'm not bagging on religion, but this guy seriously gets my nipple in a knot. Rewind about 6 months ago, and Dad & Mom go to a Joel Osteen concert down in South Carolina. Whose Joel Osteen, you ask? Well a) he's the devil, and b) he's the leader of the largest Church in America. He gives service in a sports arena, and makes millions of dollars. I have no problem with the guy except that his darn emails keep showing up in my inbox. Every week I get something like this:- joel_osteen_is_the_devil.jpg (31.79 KiB) Viewed 3284 times
Do you need God's direction in your life? Often times, the Lord will instruct your heart to do something that's just the opposite of what your natural mind thinks you should do. It doesn't make sense, but God's principals are very different from the world's principals.
You'd think I could "unsubscribe" right? No, Joel isn't sending them. My dad is. He just loves Joel & Vicky so much that he's tickled pink by each and everyone of these "Christian Spams", that he forwards them to me. It's not like I can tell them man to stop sending them. Heck, I told them, I don't really believe in God anymore, and he told me "some day, you'll get over this rebellous phase."
At one point the other day after recieving "The Joel & Vicky Osteen" Smiley picture newsletter for the umpteenth time, I cracked and started searching for the smoking gun on this guy. The "Snopes" version of Osteen, that I could forward back to dad, and enlighten the man. Unfortunately the guy is a saint except for being insanely rich, and screwing up a minor interview with Larry King Live.
So I gave up, went back to programming.
But the guy is the Devil, I know it. You know how you just get a feeling deep down in your heart? Maybe it's made worst by the fact, Dad suggests "I'd like the guy." No, I've changed a bit from my childhood religious views. I'm not saying there isn't a God, I just don't think Joel Osteen with his perfect teeth, his corrupt smile, his skinny barbie wife, and his millions of dollars was chosen to bring me the message.
Perhaps Joel Osteen can make me a believer again? If there is a God, I suggest Joel Osteen prove it by giving up half his annual salary to the homeless. Better yet, how about 40% to homeless, and 10% to me? Then I'll believe in your God, Joel.
