Obama quits

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Published on September 21st, 2008, 3:37 pm
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Obama to Nation: “frak this (expletive), I’m outta here”
In the wake of an epic financial meltdown that threatens to derail the U.S. economy for years, Barack Obama announced he was ending his run for President of the United States, declaring to a stunned nation, “Man, this is (expletive).”

In a boisterous and hastily-called press conference, Obama detailed his reasons for the decision. “I was prepared to fight global warming, reform the health care system, repair our crumbling roads, create a 21st century electric grid, find Bin Laden, end the war in Iraq, and bring peace to Israel and the Palestinians. But now you tell me I have to clean up the worst financial mess since the Great Depression too? One that’s going to plunge our economy into a recession for most of my administration while I take the blame? frak that. That’s crackin ridiculous. You guys clean up your own (expletive). I’m outta here.”

He elaborated: “From the time I was a little boy, I dreamt of being President one day. Of having the power and resources to enact a bold vision for the country, to set this great land on a path to a better future. Now we’re crackin broke. What the hell can I do when we’re $9 trillion in debt and got 1 billion Chinese hankering to cash their IOUs? I can’t even buy a three-fingered handjob now.”

Obama also revealed that he previously thought about quitting when Sen. McCain picked Gov. Palin as a running mate (”What is this, a reality TV show?”), when the media covered the faux lipstick-on-a-pig scandal for two days straight (”Why would I call her a pig? She’s a crackin MILF, for Christ’s sake”), and when he realized he was still neck and neck with McCain in the polls in spite of being his opponent’s superior in every possible metric and running as the exact opposite of one of the worst administrations in U.S. history.

Obama took no questions from reporters. After reading his statement, he threw his suit jacket on the ground, made an obscene gesture to the press corp, and dashed out a back exit, where he hopped on a motorcycle and yelled “See ya, bitches, I’m off to do my wife” as he rode away.

The new de facto leader of the Presidential race, Sen. John McCain, was unaware of the development until told about it by a reporter. When asked how he felt about Obama quitting, McCain replied: “Senator Obama would like to fool the American people that he is the quitter in this race. He’s not. I already quit in 2005, well before Obama even thought of quitting. That’s quitting you can believe in.”

It is unknown at this time where Sen. Biden will replace Obama at the top of the ticket, but it is unlikely as the Obama campaign announced plans to return all unspent money to its supporters along with a 20% off coupon to flights to Canada.

Obviously you do not know what a hyperbolic chamber actually is. That's ok. I'm used to you pretending to know what you are talking about BecauseHeLives, 2009 August 16
September 21st, 2008, 3:37 pm
 
That would be hilarious if it wasn't so true. First thing I thought of this week was: "if Obama is elected, they will try and blame the resulting economic situation on him since it will be YEARS until we dig ourselves out". So depressing. :cry:
John Cleese: The audience is too uninformed. I blame the Americans. Nation of obese, violent, pig-ignorant, bible-thumping morons contaminating world culture. That’s why I spend most of my time here in France.. Beautiful isn’t it? Just look at those olive trees.

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September 21st, 2008, 3:46 pm
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Sanjuro
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The idea of tax cuts will become a dim and distant memory.

Frankly if it wasn't for the agenda of the religious right and the supreme court, I'd say let them have it. But the idea of President Palin is just to scary to be amusing for long.
Obviously you do not know what a hyperbolic chamber actually is. That's ok. I'm used to you pretending to know what you are talking about BecauseHeLives, 2009 August 16
September 21st, 2008, 3:53 pm
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A Person wrote:The idea of tax cuts will become a dim and distant memory.

Frankly if it wasn't for the agenda of the religious right and the supreme court, I'd say let them have it. But the idea of President Palin is just to scary to be amusing for long.


You're reading my mind.
John Cleese: The audience is too uninformed. I blame the Americans. Nation of obese, violent, pig-ignorant, bible-thumping morons contaminating world culture. That’s why I spend most of my time here in France.. Beautiful isn’t it? Just look at those olive trees.

Interviewer: This is Santa Barbara.
September 21st, 2008, 3:56 pm
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Sanjuro
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Wonder who I'll see in line at the US embassy turning in their citizenship with me....
William Killick: You have a raindrop running down your cheek, just like a tear.
September 21st, 2008, 4:09 pm
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Sanjuro wrote:That would be hilarious if it wasn't so true. First thing I thought of this week was: "if Obama is elected, they will try and blame the resulting economic situation on him since it will be YEARS until we dig ourselves out". So depressing. :cry:

It's depressing only because we think that the American people are stupid enough that they would blame him for stuff that was started by Reagan. And of course, they'll vote against him because he is pro-choice, regardless of how the economic situation is.
September 21st, 2008, 6:29 pm
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If Obama doesn't win. I will be right there with you.
September 21st, 2008, 9:57 pm
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Guest wrote:If Obama doesn't win. I will be right there with you.


Is that you Obama?
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September 22nd, 2008, 12:15 pm
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Liv wrote:Wonder who I'll see in line at the US embassy turning in their citizenship with me....


We have a US Embassy around here somewhere?
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September 22nd, 2008, 4:34 pm
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No, you have to be in a foreign country to renounce citizenship.... So you fly to somewhere on a visiter visa and then turn it in. Of course they'll deny it unless you prove you're not stateless, but the "law" technically doesn't require it....
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September 22nd, 2008, 4:37 pm
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You would be remarkably foolish to renounce your citizenship unless you have citizenship in another country first. You might well find yourself being deported back to the US without citizenship status As such you could be detained on suspicion of terrorism without habeus corpus.

B. ELEMENTS OF RENUNCIATION

A person wishing to renounce his or her U.S. citizenship must voluntarily and with intent to relinquish U.S. citizenship:

appear in person before a U.S. consular or diplomatic officer,
in a foreign country (normally at a U.S. Embassy or Consulate); and
sign an oath of renunciation
Renunciations that do not meet the conditions described above have no legal effect. Because of the provisions of section 349(a)(5), Americans cannot effectively renounce their citizenship by mail, through an agent, or while in the United States. In fact, U.S. courts have held certain attempts to renounce U.S. citizenship to be ineffective on a variety of grounds, as discussed below.

C. REQUIREMENT - RENOUNCE ALL RIGHTS AND PRIVILEGES

In the case of Colon v. U.S. Department of State , 2 F.Supp.2d 43 (1998), plaintiff was a United States citizen and resident of Puerto Rico, who executed an oath of renunciation before a consular officer at the U.S. Embassy in Santo Domingo. The U.S. District Court for the District of Columbia rejected Colon’s petition for a writ of mandamus directing the Secretary of State to approve a Certificate of Loss of Nationality in the case because the plaintiff wanted to retain one of the primary benefits of U.S. citizenship while claiming he was not a U.S. citizen. The Court described the plaintiff as a person, "claiming to renounce all rights and privileges of United States citizenship, [while] Plaintiff wants to continue to exercise one of the fundamental rights of citizenship, namely to travel freely throughout the world and when he wants to, return and reside in the United States." See also Jose Fufi Santori v. United States of America , 1994 U.S. App. LEXIS 16299 (1994) for a similar case.

A person who wants to renounce U.S. citizenship cannot decide to retain some of the privileges of citizenship, as this would be logically inconsistent with the concept of renunciation. Thus, such a person can be said to lack a full understanding of renouncing citizenship and/or lack the necessary intent to renounce citizenship, and the Department of State will not approve a loss of citizenship in such instances.

D. DUAL NATIONALITY / STATELESSNESS

Persons intending to renounce U.S. citizenship should be aware that, unless they already possess a foreign nationality, they may be rendered stateless and, thus, lack the protection of any government. They may also have difficulty traveling as they may not be entitled to a passport from any country. Even if they were not stateless, they would still be required to obtain a visa to travel to the United States, or show that they are eligible for admission pursuant to the terms of the Visa Waiver Pilot Program (VWPP). If found ineligible for a visa or the VWPP to come to the U.S., a renunciant, under certain circumstances, could be barred from entering the United States. Nonetheless, renunciation of U.S. citizenship may not prevent a foreign country from deporting that individual back to the United States in some non-citizen status.

E. TAX & MILITARY OBLIGATIONS /NO ESCAPE FROM PROSECUTION

Also, persons who wish to renounce U.S. citizenship should also be aware that the fact that a person has renounced U.S. citizenship may have no effect whatsoever on his or her U.S. tax or military service obligations (contact the Internal Revenue Service or U.S. Selective Service for more information). In addition, the act of renouncing U.S. citizenship will not allow persons to avoid possible prosecution for crimes which they may have committed in the United States, or escape the repayment of financial obligations previously incurred in the United States or incurred as United States citizens abroad.
Obviously you do not know what a hyperbolic chamber actually is. That's ok. I'm used to you pretending to know what you are talking about BecauseHeLives, 2009 August 16
September 22nd, 2008, 4:53 pm
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A Person wrote:You would be remarkably foolish to renounce your citizenship unless you have citizenship in another country first. You might well find yourself being deported back to the US without citizenship status As such you could be detained on suspicion of terrorism without habeus corpus.

Or worse, you could be stuck in an airport sleeping next to Tom Hanks for years on end... :mrgreen:
September 22nd, 2008, 5:35 pm
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I doubt they'd deport you. That's if you could actually become stateless... but being unemployed without health-care, and no chance of improving the situation seems like a serious deterrent.

The good news is there are a few countries that if you can scrounge up a few hundred thousand dollar will buy you citizenship.

But that's not a very accessible for the average person who wants to make a political statement.
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September 22nd, 2008, 7:19 pm
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Actually if you gave up your US citizenship and slipped back over the border from Mexico then you would be eligible for free health care, free education, no taxes, and all kinds of other perks normal citizenry can't access.
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September 22nd, 2008, 10:05 pm
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I'm not talking about the US.... Why would someone give up their US citizenship and come back? (I know you were making a point.)
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September 23rd, 2008, 7:38 am
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