My Alli Weight Loss Drug Experience
by Liv | Published on February 7th, 2008, 6:07 pm | Science
- stomach_cramps.jpg (5.09 KiB) Viewed 4481 times
I'm sure I'll catch hell for writing about this, but honestly... If people beside myself weren't buying the stuff, it wouldn't be on the market. So save the cold phrases and the lack luster quip remarks, Yes! I'm a fat lazy American who is looking for the cheap easy way out.
For those of you not familiar with what MyAlli is, it's a weight loss drug that basically prevents fat from being absorbed by the digestive system. In doing so, the fat is passed with other biological waste out the rear end of the vehicle, and is never to be seen from again....
but, it's never that easy...
The major side effect, and the one of several of which you might be pondering as to why I'd even attempt such madness (other than Internet entertainment) is the physical nature of fecal matter which isn't digested uncontrollably shooting out of one's ass. More to the point, it's been described as "Anal Leakage", "Diarrhea", "Bloating", "Gas", etc. It's for this reason, if you're about to eat, or can't stomach the grotesque review I'm about to give... Go away... Far, far away...
I mean afterall. Whose kidding who? The fat has to go somewhere? Right? Nothing like swallowing a tub of Vaseline, and seeing what happens. That's pretty much life on Alli.
(Last Chance....)
I won't draw this out. I was one of the select few effected by the side-effects of drug. I was aware of the possibility, but assumed since Alli is sold under Xenical, a double strength version- then surely a mild discomfort is an affordable trade-off to rightly gain that new body I've desired. I was wrong. No amount of Youtube testimonials on how great Ali is would ever elude to how horrible it is when it goes wrong.
And it does go wrong...
It was as the gates of hell opened out of my ass. The human body's function of digestion, was a mere suggestion to my body as it attempted near earth orbit using stomach acid as rocket propellant.
It went fairly well at first. I read the books, bought the bottle at CVS, and all was well. Then the cramping started. I thought, "Is that the Alli? Or is that just normal"... I convinced myself, a small stomach upset is an acceptable thing.
A few minutes later it was as though my stomach was that giant bubble in the hose in a Tom & Jerry cartoon, and someone was about to let go of the pressure. It's in this moment my face became flush, my eyes nearly popped out of my head. I hurdled the coffee table, long jumped the dog, and yelled to the children who might be in my way to "MOOOOOOOVEEEEEE" as I ran down the hall, threw open the door, aimed in the general direction of the toilet, and found myself levitating 4 feet off the toilet in a jet-stream of some sort of ungodly concocture of digested food, that I no more than 5 minutes ago had eaten.
It's not what usually come out of there. In fact, by comparison it's quite pleasant if you had to make that judgement, but the sure pain by which it causes, and the damage done to the porcelain in your toilet will make you second guess that this is anything at all but enjoyable.
It's as though God himself has stuck his finger in battery acid and shoved it down your intestine. All you can do is scream and groan bracing yourself against the sink and the tub.
Eventually after a certain amount of time, a lifetime of agony, you come into some sort of state of recovery. It's about this time you make haste and gingerly move from the toilet paper dispensing area into the shower where you plop on the bottom of the tub like some drug-rehab patient going through recovery. And it's then... just when you think all is well, that you realize it isn't over. You rush to get up, but perhaps too quick.
This is about the time your partner will come check on you. They'll say something like "Are you okay Honey"... and peak in the door. Just then the shower curtain shadows a scene from Psycho as you're screaming in bloody horror like some b-flick horror queen.
To put it mildly... I found God that day.
After about 48 hours of this scene being repeated, I finally realized Alli, or Xencial is not something I would continue to take. Your results may vary, but for me I guess it's good ole fashioned sweat and tears, or I'll just live to be happy with being the whale I am. My alli isn't "my allie", more of "my enemy", and that's truth in advertising.
